modern baseball (for vince and skyler)

my favorite band announced that they are “taking a break today”

some of my favorite memories i’ve ever lived had this band in them

a summer well spent

on back roads with my best friends

in my favorite car that doesn’t run anymore

and all of the miles we put on it

the hours we drove

and the hours we spent looking for parking

and the red fucking car we almost hit (fuck that guy)

all the snapchat videos

all of the memories we shared with each other

and the random places we stopped at to eat (even when we weren’t hungry)

all the cigarettes and laughs and tears and the yelling


and all the alcohol we consumed

the hotel beds we slept on

putting on temporary tattoos with milk at a waffle house in allentown

so far from our hometown

but my friends made it home

this band made philadelphia feel like home

and for some reason i know

that nothing may ever make us feel like that again

and i know that all good things come to an end

i know the game by now

my friends live here and there and everywhere

but not together anymore

and maybe music is the one thing that makes us feel less apart.

“and you, you ask if i gotta leave,

and i wish that i could say no.”



don’t stand there in the silence like water dripping from my bathroom sink. water that never seems to stop. water that can’t stop. don’t stop running. run back to me. make me feel whole. make me feel worthy. put your hands on me. gently. touch me with elegance. look into my eyes like a lovely bit of prose written by your favorite poet. your favorite author. your favorite something. i want to be on your list of things to do. the list of things you love. tell me how to be that for you. listen to songs you love and think of me. i hope it breaks you down. i want the best and absolute worst for you and i mean that in the most endearing of ways. i miss your eyes. the green that i despise now. i now wear green on my skin head to toe because of her. because of you. i’m a monster now. your name still makes me clench my fists and grind my teeth. i’ve turned into this behemoth. a beast that wants to destroy her limb from limb. you don’t think of me now. i’m nothing more than an old dress shirt hanging in your closet that you never wear. nothing more than the dust on your shelves or books you’ve never read. so why am i still here. why am i still the annoying drip of water from your bathroom sink. why am i so wasteful and why am i still waiting. for you, of course. all of this is for you.