cut me open

i’m empty

empty as you please

a place of no occupancy

nothing lives around me or in me

a soulless monster, a soulless soul, a soulless something

until one day you knocked on the door of my heart

and i opened up

you were as beautiful as a human could get

i was not good with my emotions

i hadn’t used them in so long

i forgot i possessed them

i told you “cut me open and make me love again”

and you did

and ever since that day

you made a home of my head

you arranged the bed with pretty quilts

and painted the grey walls a bright shade of blue

i wanted to tell you that i didn’t know how i survived before

how i lived without you in my heart

but i didn’t know how

and you played your pretty music loud

and danced with such grace and such power

it was so hard to not join you

to not stare

so of course

for the first time,

i did

you are everything i didn’t know i was missing

a piece of a puzzle i didn’t know i was creating

you created a soul

a happiness

inside me

and i don’t know how i lived

without your color

and now that you are gone

and my mind is quiet

and the walls have dimmed from turquoise to indigo

i wonder if i’ll ever feel

such joy again

if i’ll ever consume

so much color again

now all that’s left is empty space

empty mind

empty me

and i’m afraid

that’s not enough

i was never enough

 

love me again

love me on a raincloud

hold me up

then pour me out

 

let’s cleanse the earth

you and me

wipe every slate clean

the clumsy messes we have made

let’s rinse them away

 

love me on a northbound train

enter the winter with me

chill me to the bone

 

let’s freeze over together

in this indefinite moment

make it last an eternity

feel the frost through my hair, through yours

shiver here with me once more

 

love me to infinity

as fast as a shooting star

to pluto and back

 

let’s get lost in the milky way

let the black consume us

use the moon as a flashlight

follow each constellation

and guide me back home

 

get lost with me

a dream i won’t wake up from

i breathe in warm wet air and it tastes like you. no stars are out tonight but the black sky reminds me of something i used to know. something like you. i want to rewind. want to meet you in another time another place another planet. maybe i could love you there. love you then. i wanna love you somewhere that we haven’t messed up yet. somewhere with more days and more moons so i can make up for lost time with you. i think i’ve found the perfect place. the road was busy but i crossed it anyway and didn’t flinch. three shots deep and my fearlessness is already tapping on my shoulder. liquid courage had already swept me off my feet and carried me to your street. a flask and the moonlight was all i needed to guide me. the snow didn’t bother me. nothing really did but i knocked on your door and i told you to meet me in the milky way. meet me where you know, where you see. then maybe. maybe we could plan ahead. plan a life. somewhere among the stars. among the black. i wanna watch you shine bright like you used to. like you did before me. i wanna watch your eyes reflect moonlight and get so lost in them that i find a new galaxy and a new meaning. take my hand. let’s get away and let’s get lost among the stars. lose it all. lose everything but you.