i don’t sleep well very often but lately i have been happy. i know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. i was happy. i don’t write when i’m happy. i don’t know if i can. do you ever go through your whole day exhausted but know you aren’t going to sleep well that night? i know that sounds stupid out loud. but when i get my wheels turning (which is pretty often to say the least) my mind wanders up and down and left and right and in directions that i swear aren’t known by woman or man but it always lands in the same old place. this effects my sleeping habits and eating habits and who even knows what else but honestly i’m sick and tired of thinking about you. i don’t know why you think you still have the right to live in my mind and carry on all night. i thought we had an understanding about this? *EVICTION NOTICE* please, pack your things. you are not welcome here anymore. you are too loud at night and you haven’t paid rent in weeks. please, have all of your things gone by morning. they aren’t wanted here anymore.
i have a million things to do tonight. i’m failing biology but what does that matter? i don’t need it and who does anyways? i’ve been going through my days slowly. i’ve been talking to myself far too often (is that weird?) i keep backtracking. i take a couple baby steps ahead and end up back where i started. things get better as they get worse. i like and try to look on the bright side of things but that’s pretty difficult when you’re not really sure how. i think about the world a lot. i’m sick of terrorism and innocent people dying across the globe and children not having clean drinking water and animal cruelty and littering and america never stepping in during times of crisis when other countries really need us to. all of these things make me want to be to be a politician and join the army and be a clean water activist and a vegan and an environmentalist and be the president. i will never do any of these things. i’m not smart enough and neither are any of you. i’m going to sit back and watch our world blow up or perish or melt with the ozone layer from pollution and global warming and nuclear war with the rest of the human population. i know there are over 7 billion of us but we can’t seem to find the intelligence to do something intelligent or moral or something that would make a difference. i don’t know what this world is or who we are or what we are doing but i can’t live here anymore. i think i am moving to saturn. have a nice life. see you on the flip side.
you’ve taught me that leaving is always the answer, so thank you for that. i live a lovely life on saturn, thank you for asking. i’m really glad that i get cell phone reception here. it gets kind of lonely but i’m happy nonetheless. i have a few good books to read and twitter usually keeps me busy. they don’t care if i pass biology here and that’s good because i didn’t really ever have a chance at that, did i? there are 62 moons on saturn and each of them looks like you. do you remember all of those summer nights under the stars? those are some of my favorite memories from my time on earth. sorry, i don’t think i will return any time soon. (or ever.) saturn is rainy and i can’t ship items from amazon here but i like saturn because it has yet to be corrupted. by terrorists or dictators or dirty drinking water or cute boys with perfect smiles they lie through. every problem there was on earth doesn’t exist anywhere here but in my mind. i will remember it all but i will never speak any of it out loud. thank you for writing to me although i don’t really want you to anymore. i miss you a thousand times for every moon in the Saturn night sky but mail costs a fortune here. you won’t hear from me again. love always, the girl who’s heart was too big for earth but too small for you.